Le Cheat Sheet
The Perils of Parenting In The Digital Age
In her new book, “Sharenthood: Why We Should Think Before We Talk About Our Kids Online,” Leah A. Plunkett uses her legal expertise to draw attention to the particular challenges we face as parents in the digital age. From the need to protect childhood as a space to experience, learn and make mistakes to the unknowable consequences of sharing a child’s private information online, Plunkett raises important questions we should all be asking. Here are five key take-aways.
- Written By
- Liz McDaniel
Sharenting Goes Far Beyond Instagram
While posting a bubbly bath photo might be the first offense to come to mind, Plunkett defines “sharenting” more broadly, as the sharing of a child’s private information through digital platforms. From the seemingly mundane tasks of ordering diapers on Amazon or installing a Nest Cam, to the more overt forms of commercial sharenting or even starting a GoFundMe to aid a sick child, the choices we make inevitably inform our child’s digital footprint. In other words, sharenting is something we are all doing, whether we think about it or not.
Know What You Don’t Know
One need only glance at the Terms of Service for their favorite app to buy Plunkett’s argument that we don’t really know what we are getting ourselves—or our children—into. “We are consenting adults, hooking up our devices and putting out our own information. But we don’t understand exactly what data we’re sharing, with whom, why and what they will do with it.”
To take this further, Plunkett poses the questions, could there emerge an aggregate score that rates your child based on his digital footprint and is available for college admissions officers to purchase? Could the data from that handy new device that tracks your child’s heart rate and oxygen levels be sold to insurance companies down the line? The answers? We don’t know.
Pause Before You Post
While there are many things we can’t control when it comes to managing our child’s digital lives, there’s one thing we can. And that’s what we, as parents, choose to share. One piece of Plunkett’s advice that was particularly useful on this front; “Think of this “digital dossier” creation strategy as the “holiday card” rule of thumb: if you wouldn’t put it in hard copy and mail it to a few hundred people in your life for display on their refrigerators, don’t put it on the internet for thousands of people, in, near or outside of your life to repurpose and display indiscriminately.”
Sharenting Is Not New
Plunkett is quick to let modern parents off the hook by pointing out that people have long sought to connect through stories about their children. But this sharing used to be confined to small groups at the playground or a good friend over coffee. “The adult urge to connect with one another—especially to seek advice, reassurance, and commiseration around the inevitable hassles of raising children—is positive...It’s the how, why, when and with whom we connect that is often problematic for our children.” So, again, it’s important to consider the how, why, when and with whom of the digital landscape before sharing. In other words, ask yourself what you’re getting in return for your child’s data when downloading a certain service, or if the channel fits the share. For example, if you’re sharing a tasteful celebration of your child’s soccer performance, Instagram might be appropriate, but if you’re seeking advice on a potty training issue or a particularly harrowing tantrum experience, perhaps it’s better suited to a small group text.
Be Your Own Solution
In one theoretical solve, Plunkett imagines an “auto-destroy” option that would allow parents to opt in to an app automatically deleting any posts about their child when that child reaches a certain age. But do we really want to rely on the hypothetical conscience of a big tech company? It seems clear that we’re better off simply proceeding with caution and sound judgment ourselves. Aside from generally being more thoughtful about our roles as the stewards of our children’s digital lives, one actionable bit of advice Plunkett offers is to involve your children in making a family media plan and also a family data privacy plan. This could incorporate things like whether your child wants you to ask her explicit permission before sharing a photo and the “holiday card” rule above that everyone is expected to adhere to. The idea is to encourage your children to make wise decisions about all aspects of their digital lives. And, of course, to make wise decisions yourself.
While posting a bubbly bath photo might be the first offense to come to mind, Plunkett defines “sharenting” more broadly, as the sharing of a child’s private information through digital platforms. From the seemingly mundane tasks of ordering diapers on Amazon or installing a Nest Cam, to the more overt forms of commercial sharenting or even starting a GoFundMe to aid a sick child, the choices we make inevitably inform our child’s digital footprint. In other words, sharenting is something we are all doing, whether we think about it or not.
Know What You Don’t Know
One need only glance at the Terms of Service for their favorite app to buy Plunkett’s argument that we don’t really know what we are getting ourselves—or our children—into. “We are consenting adults, hooking up our devices and putting out our own information. But we don’t understand exactly what data we’re sharing, with whom, why and what they will do with it.”
To take this further, Plunkett poses the questions, could there emerge an aggregate score that rates your child based on his digital footprint and is available for college admissions officers to purchase? Could the data from that handy new device that tracks your child’s heart rate and oxygen levels be sold to insurance companies down the line? The answers? We don’t know.
Pause Before You Post
While there are many things we can’t control when it comes to managing our child’s digital lives, there’s one thing we can. And that’s what we, as parents, choose to share. One piece of Plunkett’s advice that was particularly useful on this front; “Think of this “digital dossier” creation strategy as the “holiday card” rule of thumb: if you wouldn’t put it in hard copy and mail it to a few hundred people in your life for display on their refrigerators, don’t put it on the internet for thousands of people, in, near or outside of your life to repurpose and display indiscriminately.”
Sharenting Is Not New
Plunkett is quick to let modern parents off the hook by pointing out that people have long sought to connect through stories about their children. But this sharing used to be confined to small groups at the playground or a good friend over coffee. “The adult urge to connect with one another—especially to seek advice, reassurance, and commiseration around the inevitable hassles of raising children—is positive...It’s the how, why, when and with whom we connect that is often problematic for our children.” So, again, it’s important to consider the how, why, when and with whom of the digital landscape before sharing. In other words, ask yourself what you’re getting in return for your child’s data when downloading a certain service, or if the channel fits the share. For example, if you’re sharing a tasteful celebration of your child’s soccer performance, Instagram might be appropriate, but if you’re seeking advice on a potty training issue or a particularly harrowing tantrum experience, perhaps it’s better suited to a small group text.
Be Your Own Solution
In one theoretical solve, Plunkett imagines an “auto-destroy” option that would allow parents to opt in to an app automatically deleting any posts about their child when that child reaches a certain age. But do we really want to rely on the hypothetical conscience of a big tech company? It seems clear that we’re better off simply proceeding with caution and sound judgment ourselves. Aside from generally being more thoughtful about our roles as the stewards of our children’s digital lives, one actionable bit of advice Plunkett offers is to involve your children in making a family media plan and also a family data privacy plan. This could incorporate things like whether your child wants you to ask her explicit permission before sharing a photo and the “holiday card” rule above that everyone is expected to adhere to. The idea is to encourage your children to make wise decisions about all aspects of their digital lives. And, of course, to make wise decisions yourself.