Planning For Baby During a Pandemic

We had our first child in 2016 and my mother stayed with us for two weeks afterward. It was the fastest two weeks of my life: a blur of sleep and feeding and figuring out diapers and total delirious joy with intermittent meltdowns. My mother did all the laundry (which was constant), kept the fridge full (so gloriously full) and the house running. She was a machine.

This time, due to circumstances beyond anyone's control, we are on our own.

We have been doing our best to make this as peaceful as possible. The more I can stave off obsessively checking my news feed and focus on spending time with my husband and toddler, and educating myself about pregnancy and birth, the better. But it’s not easy.

Everyone has to find their comfort zone about how seriously to take this, which public officials to believe, what risks they think they are facing and what precautions they are willing to take. For my part, I am doing everything I can to keep my family safe. Often I feel like a lunatic. We live in Charleston, South Carolina, one of the first states to reopen. Neighbors gather around us, friends have “six foot” dinner parties, the parks are full. I have given up our evening bike rides because I find that most people we encounter completely disregard the six-foot rule, and only the tiniest sliver wear masks.

When I wrote an essay about adjusting my birth plan in the face of COVID-19 in March, predictions for mid-June in our area were dire (my due date is June 18). As of right now, however, Coronavirus hasn’t hit our area nearly as hard as possible algorithms demonstrated and because of that, the local community is even more relaxed.

We see this happen a lot with hurricane season. Each year since we moved to Charleston, we have faced a mandatory evacuation in late summer/early fall. Storm predictions are dire but the actual event is often underwhelming. Each year, more people ignore the evacuations and stay home. And when the storm passes, they say, I told you so.

Because of the relaxed approach that has settled in our community, I now wonder more than ever if coronavirus really will be rampant by mid-June. How, I ask myself, can I best prepare to keep my newborn and my family safe? How can I determine who to trust, how to minimize exposure? Are the nurses and midwives I will rely on during birth cautious in their private lives? My neighbor is a nurse at the local hospital and held a house party for other nurses mid-quarantine.

For now, I’m under the care of the birth center which sits next to the hospital. The midwives who I have spoken with at the birth center seem to hold a similarly cautious approach. I love that, if all goes to plan, we can leave with the baby a few hours after birth, safe to return to our bubble.

Focusing on life after birth, and bringing a new baby home is a welcome distraction from the anxieties and indecisiveness that we face daily. Preparing for what I can control provides relief and distraction. Gone are the days for us of popping out to CVS when we need something. I have prepared a super list of postpartum supplies, all of which can be found on Amazon, from the sitz bath to the lovely disposable underwear to the ice packs.

We are stocking up on newborn supplies: diapers, wipes, kimono onesies for those first days, bottles, muslins, burp cloths, but COVID-19 still impacts so many of these decisions, both financially and emotionally. Should we really buy that new sparkly car seat which we like the look of or should we just use the one we saved from our son, or find a cheaper (equally safe) one? The only place she will be going for the first few months (presumably) is the pediatrician whereas before COVID-19 we were planning to bring her to Italy for work six weeks postpartum. Do I need that expensive new in-bra pump? Whereas before, pumping and bottle feeding would be the only way to get through our work season, now I might just be able to feed her the entire time.

We’re also thinking a lot about meals. Before COVID-19, we went to the grocery store or farmers markets most days. One thing that I remember very distinctly from the last postpartum period is the hunger and extreme thirst that coincides with the early days of breastfeeding. We’re making a plan for three weeks worth of meals and tucking a lot of curries, soups, smoothie supplies and treats away in the freezer to make it as easy as possible. I recognize that my husband will be carrying the weight of home care: laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc. and I want to make sure that he doesn’t feel he is in a constant rotation of dishes. The more one pot meals, the better. We are also lucky to subscribe to a farm share and bread delivery so we know we can count on a few fresh, delicious infusions.

Last, and perhaps most important, we’re trying to mentally prepare ourselves for life with a toddler and a baby. Before COVID-19, on top of my mother’s support, friends would have dropped by to take Rory (our toddler) out for the day, babysitters and other help would be welcome. I know we would have spent many days lingering at the playground, going to the beach, not worrying about whether our family bubble will be popped by illness. All of our time this summer will be spent on our back porch and in the garden, entertaining our toddler in the kitchen and doing our best to stay safe, and trying to plan for how the fall will shape up for us financially. Ultimately, I look at each one of these things as a luxury. Lucky us to have the choice to hide away, most days happily, as a new family.

Before COVID-19, we had the natural “go go go” mentality that comes with running your own business. Now, we will have no choice but to take proper leave. It will be all that we can manage as young parents to entertain our toddler and enjoy our newborn. And I hope that we are that lucky. Lucky to stay safe, to nest, to not worry about distractions, to be present with nowhere to go and nothing to do except to enjoy our children. There is not a day that slips by that I don’t feel immense gratitude in the face of all this sadness.