What Not To Do for Halloween

Early Monday morning, before daycare drop off, my family had our neighborhood park to ourselves to snap a few photos of the costumes I'd made for a story on easy, fun Halloween costume ideas. While I looked for the best light, my husband wiggled a pair of cardboard moth wings on our toddler son while he let us know he'd prefer to keep watching the moving van backing into the alley behind us. Dog walkers averted their eyes.

Of course, he’d worn the wings in our apartment, flitting around making buzzing sounds, but he wasn't feeling it then. He ran up the stairs to the slide and dropped them to the ground in protest before zipping down the muddy slide. My husband suggested I change the title of the article to, 'What Not to Do For Halloween' and it's too true to be mad for long–I had a list of things you definitely shouldn't do in the time it takes to walk home.

It was the reality check I didn’t know I needed—to let go of the expectations I have for myself and our son to make space for the moments that make up a magical childhood.

Don’t Make It a Photoshoot

While I'm only approaching my second Halloween as a parent, it was my job to make the Halloween costumes for Martha Stewart Living for a few years, so this isn't my first craft rodeo. Gravity-defying skunk tail from a coat hanger? Made it. Trash-stealing racoon with a teeny bag of trash? Done it. But, and this is a big caveat, I had hair and makeup, a team of photographers, and young models that lit up in front of the camera. Surprise! That isn't real life with a toddler.

In the age of Instagram, it can be tempting to do something 'for the gram' or for Nana, but photoshoots are work–for you and your child. Now, when life starts feeling like a photo shoot, I ask myself, "Is this for him or me?" and usually end up sliding my phone back into my pocket.

Don’t Figure It All Out For Them

Quarantined in our apartment earlier this month, we relied on getting anything we needed shipped to our tiny apartment. As boxes piled up, I turned them into those fun, easy costume ideas for my article. My son loves to "Quack! Quack! Quack!" so I turned a diaper box into a duckling inspired by the Robert MacCloskey classic. After he polished off bowl after bowl of strawberries, I transformed a pizza box into a strawberry. Then it was a tin of sardines, his favorite Maileg bus, and the moth wings. In the morning, he'd find a new cardboard costume to work into his play–pretending to eat the berry or drive the bus. 

But in the park, wearing moth wings for a photo he didn’t have that authority-to choose what fits into his play and how. We were not even playing. I packed the costumes away once we got home, defeated, but eventually he found the stash. Now, instead of Halloween costumes we have fun, easy pretend-play props.

Don’t Make It About You

Next year I'll try to let him lead the way—engaging him more in the process of deciding what he wants to be for Halloween and finding ways to bring it to life together. So far, the best part of parenting has been watching my son reveal himself as he grows–his interests and fully-formed if rapidly changing preferences.

While it felt helpful and sweet to make something he'd like, inspired by the things he loves, why miss out on the experience of doing together?

Don’t Force It

For the kid that has lived his entire life in Brooklyn but has never been on the subway, it can feel like the activities that do feel safe—our neighborhood's Halloween parade or apple picking—need to be magical. Even with our parenting bag of tricks, navigating nap times, energy levels, and the weather can throw us for a loop. Sometimes it's just too hot to pick apples, or a moving truck is far more interesting than the Halloween parade. When we're not having fun, we can just stop, call it a day, and not call it a failure.

Don’t Reinvent the Wheel

It was my job to come up with fresh costume ideas every year at Martha Stewart. I’d think of a genius idea and check the archive only to find that it had been done in 1992, which is how I ended up dressing kids as the weather one year. I know now that a tomato cage tornado, while unique, is an objectively bad idea.

Kids love dressing as animals that make funny sounds or superheroes that make them feel powerful instead of, say, like a weather pattern. If kids are inspired to dress up as something specific, let's embrace it, but let's keep the classics, too. Sure, there have been baby lambs before, but never your baby lamb.

Don’t Get Caught Up In Power Struggles

Toddlers and preschoolers are fickle creatures. What is engaging on Tuesday might not be by Saturday. Maybe he's suddenly cold on strawberries and hot on blackberries, decided a costume is too scratchy, or realized it keeps him from going down the slide.

To this I say save the power struggles for another day and let it go. When it's time for trick-or-treating this year, who knows what my son will wear? Maybe seeing all the big kids will inspire him to revisit one of his fun, easy cardboard costumes; perhaps he'll wear an animal-printed sweatsuit, or we could watch from our window. We’ll be together, munching on strawberries. 

For costume inspiration that won't make anyone cry check out our guide to Halloween costumes they'll wear again or Olivia Poor's crafty tips on going big and planning ahead for the holiday.