Ask Dr. Bronwyn: The Risks of Specialization

Even before SAT GATE, you couldn’t really blame parents for feeling the pressure to help kids find their “thing.” In 2016, Angela Duckworth only added fuel to parents’ fiery pursuit of a passion for their children, with the publication of her book, Grit, which changed peoples’ perception of what it takes to achieve excellence. Toss in Malcolm Gladwell’s bestselling claim that in order to achieve mastery, it takes “10,000 hours” of it. And you can see how in Type A parenting circles not paving the way to superstar status feels tantamount to neglect.

The scenario often begins something like this. Well-meaning parents sign their 6-year-old up for whatever classes everyone else is doing. From there, perhaps they notice that their child seems better than the other kids in a certain activity, or maybe the coach pulls them aside to talk to them about their kid’s talent. And just like that, the push to specialize starts. It’s a perfect storm for even the most level-headed parents. Soon the stakes get higher thanks to the increasing investments they’re asked to make for private lessons, equipment, out-of-town competitions and coaching. Now the whole family is in it to win it, since elite status really does seem within reach, and their child’s worked so hard to get there. Plus, winning means recognition, awesome Insta-brag opportunities, and possibly even top-tier college acceptances, through the front door, not the side.

But here’s the catch; The push for early specialization runs counter to decades of research on youth in sports. Specializing early, which is defined as participating in intensive training and/or competition in only one sport for more than 8 months a year, beginning before puberty, not only possess significant risks, but doesn’t even produce the payoffs that might justify them. When young children are pushed into specializing in a sport they’re not personally invested in or have no control over, they’re more likely to burn out, dropout, and even become physically inactive adults.

In 2016, after a careful review of all existing research the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) reported that contrary to popular opinion, delaying specialization gives young athletes a greater chance of achieving their goals at elite levels. Olympians, for example, averaged three sports per year from ages 10-14 and two sports per year from 15-18, and 88% of Division 1 intercollegiate athletes had participated in more than one sport as a child. Such compelling data led the AAP to delineate guidelines for determining how intensely youth should train, and how early they should specialize. With the exception of a few sports where athletes’ age peaks much earlier (e.g., gymnastics, ballet, tennis), the AAP as well as the majority of researchers in the field recommend that delaying specialization until after the growth spurt associated with puberty minimizes risks of overuse injuries and leads to better athletic performance, emotional and social success. Taking an unusually unequivocal stance, the AAP asked pediatricians to ensure that parents no longer ignore these recommendations. Bottom line, if you’ve been led to believe your 10-year-old could possibly be the next Serena Williams, and do whatever it takes to make that happen, chances are she won’t even be playing tennis in five years, thanks to burn out or injury.

Here’s the thing. There’s nothing wrong with supporting your child in something she’s passionate about or helping her carry out her goals (e.g., driving her to an out-of-state meet). But, if you really want your child to be on a healthy path to reaching her potential, then it’s imperative that you do a couple of things: follow AAP age guidelines, continuously check in with your child to make sure she’s having fun, and make sure she feels like she’s in the driver’s seat and sees you solely as a source of unconditional love and support.

Here are some suggestions to help.

Let her set her own goals. When you give your child the freedom to discover for herself what inspires her, and allow her control over defining her own goals and the time she wants to put in to achieve them, she’ll be more inclined to, practice the piano or take a basket of balls to the court to work on her serve, because she wants to, and not because she feels pressured or worried about disappointing you.

Ensure balance. Make sure there is balance between your child’s passion and other areas in his life, like hanging out with friends, joining other activities and having time to do whatever. Your child shouldn’t view his specialization as self-defining. Nor should he consider it his only outlet for social and athletic endeavors, since if this is the case, he’ll miss out on the protective nature of other areas in his life (e.g., volunteer work, free time with friends from school) that can help him bounce back from a loss or a blown recital.

Find the right fit. Expose your child to as many activities as possible by letting her choose from a list of all possible opportunities (no judgements). Allow her to try out one activity a session -- from cooking to coding. She may find that she can’t get enough of something she never even considered or that she's ready to try something new after each session ends. Either way, she's on the right path to figuring out what excites her and what she feels passionate about.

Don’t judge. You might think your child’s love of magic is Nerd Central, but don’t let him know it. If he feels judged by you for something he’s into, he’ll be likely to feel ashamed or even rejected. Chances are, he’s not going to become a magician just because he loves magic at the age of nine, but for sure his experience of flow in any activity will increase the likelihood he’ll transfer these positive associations of setting goals and working hard to reach them, to other areas of his life. Be a fan, not a coach. Even if you once were a star in your child’s specialization stay committed to carrying out your most important role as parent and not coach. No biggie if you offer a few words of wisdom now and then or are willing to dole out a little advice, when he asks for it, but don’t let yourself become too involved, emotional, disappointed, excited or invested, and especially don’t let your child know it, if you already are.

Focus on the process, not the outcome. Do what you can to take the focus off of results. If your child insists on discussing the skills of kids she’s competed against, quality of her performances, or points scored, for example, change the subject to what behaviors, choices, motivations led the results, or ways she’d like to improve on current skills or practice something differently next time. Or better yet, just ask her if she’d like fish or chicken for dinner and talk about other things. When your child is thinking about results, she isn’t focused on what she needs to do to make them happen. Not to mention the fact that being obsessed with stats or standing puts a lot of pressure on kids and is more likely to make them choke.

Let your child experience the ups and downs. Performing at a high level or in anything competitive usually means lots of opportunities for upset and it goes without saying that your child will likely experience disappointment, jealousy, frustration, anxiety and stress along the way. When he does, offer empathy. Let him know that you’ve been there, and that you get how bad it feels. Allow him to feel the feelings, without your rushing in to dispel, dispute or dismantle them. In doing so, you’ll give him the gift of learning how to cope so he can persist, despite setbacks. Really, wasn’t grit one of your goals for your child in the first place?

Loosen the reigns. How you respond to your child’s waning motivation and decreasing interest plays a big part in whether your child regains renewed rigor, or whether she quits. If your child craves more balance in her life, for example, give her the freedom to figure out how to achieve it, like taking an occasional practice off or not competing in a weekend tournament, even if it’s an “important” one, so she can go to a slumber party. Loosening the reigns doesn’t mean handing them over though, so at the same time, focus on helping her figure out ways she can stay in the game and feel happy at the same time. Yes, doing so may mean she’ll decide to cut down on her training commitments for now, and even drop in the rankings or lose her competitive edge, but ultimately, it also means she’ll eventually be much more likely to return to feeling intrinsically motivated to pursue her goals than if you force her to honor her current training commitments, despite her feeling stressed and overcommitted, which instead will likely lead her to burn out and quit forever.

Protect your child. Even if your child’s involvement in his specialization brings him joy and opportunities for self-fulfillment, be on a constant lookout for any signs to the contrary, like burnout, pressure-cooker stress and anxiety, overuse injuries and life imbalance thanks to overtraining. Insist that your child’s schedule adhere to the AAP’s age breakdown for athletes hoping to achieve elite status in specific sport, which recommends that 1) prior to age 12, 80% of a child’s time be spent in play and in sports other than the chosen sport, 2) from ages 13-15 50% of a child’s time be devoted to their chosen sport and 50% of their time to other pursuits they find enjoyable, and 3) from the age of 16+, even when specialization takes precedence, 20% of time should still be in a non-specialized sport and enjoyable downtime. In addition, young athletes are advised to take at least three months off from their sport during the year – one month at a time – to have fun and spend time with friends, and 1-2 days off a week for physiological and psychological recovery. As with most things, moderation and balance should be critical elements to all decisions and be sure that you keep a watchful eye out for less visible risks of early specialization like high performance anxiety, an inability to bounce back from mistakes, low self-confidence and a fixed mindset.

Make sure your child feels loved and supported unconditionally. Chances are you do indeed love your child unconditionally, but beware, you might actually be communicating powerfully negative messages by your actions and emotions. And sadly, it’s your child’s subjective experience of you, which makes the biggest impact, so, if for example, you storm out when she misses an easy shot, become overly nervous before a game or unusually despondent afterward, in the car ride home, your kid gets the message that results and performance matter to you a lot, which amplifies the pressure and anxiety he feels to perform and erodes any love or enjoyment he has for his “passion.”

Check yourself. Be willing to take a good look in the mirror and to be honest with yourself about the kind of sport-, stage-, piano-parent, etc., you’ve become. Consider things like your personal investment, anxious/emotional reactions before, during and after competitions, motivation for maintaining your child’s high level of commitment and your level of control, involvement, and knowledge of all things related (e.g., stats, points, levels, players, etc.). Then think about your child. What is she like before big games? Tournaments? Recitals? How nervous does she get? Stressed? Excited? What about when things don’t go as well as she’d hoped? How hard on herself is she? Has she cried? Can she recover and make a comeback? Is it difficult for her to bounce back? What motivates her to commit so much time and effort to her specialization? Is she driving the push? Is she focused on high-level outcomes? Having fun? Are there areas of her life that have taken a back seat along the way (e.g., relationships and a social life, family time, unstructured time for fun and sports, new experience and activity exploration, self-exploration). Are there activities she enjoyed but had to forfeit, or maybe that she never even got the chance to try? Take ownership for any role you’ve played in pushing your child towards the perilous-pitfall-path of early specialization and make the change in her pathway direction begin with you.

Bronwyn Becker Charlton, Ph.D. received her doctorate in Developmental Psychology from Columbia University and is currently on the faculty at the Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai in the Department of Pediatrics. She is also the co-founder of seedlingsgroup.